The characteristics that I would love in my man :)))
- Proud of his faith. Not
shame of practicing and showing it to the public.
- Spiritual man. I don't
mind at all if by appearance, he's not seen by the public as religious man (like doesn’t have thick beard and not really a kufi wearer) but I believe what's in the heart reflects through his face
and character. But what would very obvious for me to see if he's a
spiritual man or not, is that people who speak with him will feel something. I
mean, people feel that he speaks from the heart. Spirituality is in the
inside thing and only Allah knows his spiritual state, but for this matter
I will consult to Allah through istikharah. What I want is we are
spiritually compatible! Allah knows the best and through this
characteristic, I believe Insha Allah we will have the same life’s
philosophy, visions and dreams.
- A man with visions. I
cannot tolerate with the aimless guy whose world mostly on games and liking
the useless stuffs! But football is okay. J I mean, I understand
that football is the guy thing so as long as he does not neglect his
priorities, having football-related hobby is fine with me.
- Knowledgeable. It’s
okay if he’s not that type of person who speaks much, but I hope he’s
someone who loves reading and seeking knowledge. You know we can know a
person’s intelligence state through the words he utters. I believe
wisdom-oriented words only come from a heart that loves knowledge and
wisdom. I hope he reads both deen and dunya materials, so it would be
balanced. The more readings you do should not make you a more extremist
right?
- Humble. And all those good qualities of course! :P But I understand that no single human being on this Earth is perfect so I’m hoping myself to sincerely accept the way he is including his shortcomings. It’s a foolish thing to be hopeful that he perfectly matches my imagination and so I would want my feet to stay firmly on the ground! But yeah, no doubt I really admire humble people. Like just anyone. Not necessarily a man though. I love all the humble people! They are beautiful creations of God. <3
- Not a demanding type. I mean, I know I would surely be disappointed to live with a man who has a lot of 'external' expectations or demands upon me. Like complaining my cooking is not delicious as compared to his mom's, or he's always seen to adore and praise other women (especially the 'muslimahness' part) or commenting on my chosen fabric! I appreciate it if he wants to correct me but just tell me what should I change/do, without having to compare me with other women. But please, I would love you to motivate me to make the pious Sahabiah ladies as my role models. Like A'isha radhiallahu anha, Maryam, Rabea El-Adawea. :) I would be very much glad if you help me to improve my soul purification and attitude, manners coz I pray that my husband is also my teacher in life.
I don’t mind if…
- He’s 24 hour busy and
has less time for me. I am very honoured if I can serve a man whose time
mostly dedicated to society, his mom and as long as he’s utilizing his
time rightfully, for the beneficial activities, I’m all okay with that. J
- We both come from
different cultural backgrounds. Like having different tastes for food or
some unique family practices etc. But I understand that differences are
normal in marriage life. I hope those differences bring more blessings in
our life and that we should look them in a positive way.
- Materialistically, I do
not mind what car he drives and I just hope we have a simple and moderate
house.
- If he doesn’t know to
do house chores like cooking, sweeping, hang the laundry etc it’s okay J at least, I believe
that he can carry things, move the furniture and doesn’t mess up the
house!
What I’m hoping for myself…
- To be independent. I
don’t want to complain to him over small things. I can drive and so, I
don’t mind if he couldn’t accompany me for grocery shopping, paying the
bills and stuffs. I’ll let him rest peacefully and won’t bother him,
knowing that he just had a tiring working day.
- Ask and listen to his
opinions over fundamental things – say religious and family matters.
- Not being the nagging
type. I can be talkative but not a nagger.
- If he’s comfortable
with certain things like some of his lifestyle’s common practices, then
I’ll let him do it. As long it doesn’t bring negative effects to us and it
doesn’t across religious limits, let him be.
- I won’t ask every
single thing what he does, with whom he has been hanged out with, where
does he go…I mean, too details will annoy him. I guess so. But I’m gonna
be like, just asking him a simple question like this: “Will you be late
tonight?” or “Text me when you are about to come home, alright?”.
- When he comes home,
don’t bombard him with lots of questions. Just ask him a few comforting
questions like, “How was your day?”. Motivate him and give supportive
words when he talks about his problems. If I wanna give my own opinion,
start with..."Hmm...don't you wish to try another alternatives?” or
“I think if you can avoid doing that, it will do good to…” or “It’s okay,
it’s just not your day today. Allah has saved something better for you
later. Who knows. We just need a lil bit of patience. Now you should go
rest. Things will get better next day”. Something less debasing like that.
I want to be a good listener and an understanding wife. Shaykh Abdal Hakim Murad in his contention book wrote, Do not say: Do you agree with me? but say: Do we agree?
- Take care of my
physical appearance at his presence. Fragrant myself, wear clean and
beautiful clothes, fresh mouth etc.
- Cook delicious food for
him! Identify his favourite meals and learn how to prepare them. Maybe
should consult to mother in-law for this case. Make sure when he comes
home, he smiles seeing delicious meals on the dining table.
- Not asking him money.
But it’s his responsibility to give anyway so I don’t really worry about
it. If I am financially independent, working, so I shouldn’t ask him for
extra money other than what he gives. If it’s for the house rental, food
expenses, bills, children’s education, health, petrol or other utilities,
I think it’s okay to ask if it’s not enough. For my own personal purpose,
no. I can use my own money.
- Respect and love his
mother just like I do to my mother. Encourage him to always call and take
care of his mom.
Above all, only Allah knows the best. I hope what I wish are not too dreamy. I believe the Deen ul-Islam (my beloved faith) serve as the best foundation, pillars, frames, walls, air-conditioner, furniture, and everything!... to build a happy home. Yes, a home! Not just a house! :)))
And...so who's the man? Well, it's the question that I don't yet know. Only Allah knows who is 'he'. My beloved man InshaAllah. :)
Carlos Daniel Bracho with la niños, Carlitos y Lisette. Missing in the pic, his esposa: Paulina
Praying for the best,
Zara
'Asr, 15 Muharram 1435
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