HURT - Part 1

Salamu alaykum,

Now, it's the time for me to pour out my true feelings. About why I disappeared after IB, lost contact with everybody and never informed people about what happened to me after that, especially to the KMBian friends.

Okay, the first thing that I want everybody to know is that; I THANK ALLAH SO MUCH FOR NOT DESTINED TO FLY! ALHAMDULILLAH. No, it's not a statement from the heart of a loser.

huh?

WHY? All right, this is quite difficult to explain because you don't understand what I've felt during these past few months. Hmm...how to start..

All right. The story began like this...

After IB, everybody went home including me. But, before leaving KMB, I scanned the view of my room many many times because that room kept so much memories in it. People who used to come to my room know why because they also loved my room so much.
It is in this room that I've made friendships with a lot of people (a lot of them are medic students). It is in the room that the weekly usrah was conducted (they opted to do usrah in my room since it is spacious enough to make a circle). It is in this room where the classmates gathered (M08J for sure:) ). It is in the room where some friends stayed overnight and did their works or studied here. It is this room where people made it as their own room (or 2nd room, if you like). Well, you can see now how central it was, my room! It is the room of love, I would say because I love everyone that came to my room. I enjoyed talking to them and listening to their problems or any story. We shared a lot of dreams together. Break-fasting together. Giving everybody 'a character' related to their dreams (Elizabeth Bennet @ Mrs Darcy, Mother Teresa etc). We could feel the sisterhood bonding on that time. I love my friends. They are the people whom I love by faith. But, the most significant thing about the room is that, it is where I found my faith! My spiritual journey began here. And InshaAllah, I'll tell you how and why in any of the forth coming entries.

All right, now I hope you understand now how much the room was so nostalgic to me especially when it comes to friendship.

I am a very sensitive person when it comes to matter like this, you know. I mean, friendship. Once I love people, I would really really love them. I'll attach faith together with the love. That's why it's very extremely difficult for me to accept the fact that people have forgotten me. I feel hurt until now. I never thought things like this would happen to me (of being forgotten after all the moments of being together).

Now, I realized that I AM SOOOOOOOOOOOOO NOBODY IN THEIR HEARTS, you know. Perhaps I was. I might be useful to them once because of the room. But, yeah...humans change constantly. I don't know why. Perhaps this is a test for me.

I just have one question to them; WHY DO THEY HAVE TO FORGET ME???

InshaAllah, to be continued...

Love,
zara