PhD Talk: 20 Tips for Surviving your PhD

PhD Talk: 20 Tips for Surviving your PhD: PhD studies are the highest level of education, and the road can be frustrating and exhausting at times, but the final result (your dissert...

The Route Not Taken, shall we?

When things don't go your way, it must be that the dream or goal has been designed to be traveled through other route. It could be the road less/never traveled before. Not the route that you think it-should-be-this-way-to-get-there kind of route. Common route could be unnecessary for you as it offers no materials for you to grow wiser. The not-so-popular route, I know, longer, tiring and complicated but why complain if it means you can collect more "treasures" while you'll get there eventually? After all, The Routes Designer never left the route un-signboarded.
So don't feel lost and feel you won't get there.
Keep going ya dear self? ;)

Zara

Marriage -Real men

Assalamu 'alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh :)

Here are, MashaAllah some of the pearls of wisdom being highlighted in this video by Br Mohamed Zeyara and Br Imran Salha. Pretty much the same of what I perceive how a real man is.

A real man knows what he has, values it and is thankful to Allah (SWT) for it.

A real man is not afraid to apologize, but at the same time, a real man is cautious before he makes a mistake where he will be forced to apologize.

Real men will always keep their promises, but at the same time, real men will only promise what they can keep.

Real men do not raise their voices, but instead they choose the best of words.

Real men will not be judgemental of others, but at the same time, real men will also never compromise their principles.

And real men will always be better in private than they are in public.

And to all the gentlemen out there, I personally will not be attracted to your physical appearance, your money or your wealth, your family/descendants, your career, your car, your muscles etc. But rather, it is your faith, your humility, your character, your maturity, your wisdom and your heart are what earn my respect and  to me a man is sufficiently handsome through these qualities! Btw, good looks have broad and different perspective for everyone, and I define a good look as 'the coolness of the eyes' and the look that brings peace to my heart . The generations of 'Min-Ho', 'Robert Patty', 'Beckham', 'Brad Pitt' and you-name-it-lah never capture my attention. Ow anyhow I like a fatherly-look person. :P Older? Hmm not necessarily but having beards will put that 'fatherly-look' sensibly in a man. Trust me. That's how prophetic tradition impacts on you. A bearded man hmm...you may read further here http://elitedaily.com/news/world/women-find-men-facial-hair-attractive/  I second the 'possible parenting ability' part so much. See..there's always wisdom behind every sunnah. Always.

Yours sincerely,

Zara xxxx

The Poverty Of The Soul ᴴᴰ ┇ Amazing Reminder ┇ by Ustadha Yasmin Mogahe...

At least we should take note of these 2 important points:

1. Spiritual deprivation is the true impoverishment.
2. What impoverishes and kills the heart? - It is allowing the heart to love anything as it should only love God.

Take care of your soul,
Zara :)

Med Arena: Remember Me, I Will Remember You (By: Jinan Bastak...

Med Arena: Remember Me, I Will Remember You (By: Jinan Bastak...: How to Achieve Tranquility of the Heart “Unquestionably, by the remembrance of Allah hearts are assured.” (Qur’an, 13:28 ) I...

My future man

The characteristics that I would love in my man :)))

1. Proud of his faith. Not shame of practicing and showing it to the public.
2. Spiritual man. I don't mind at all if by appearance, he's not seen by the public as religious man (like doesn’t have thick beard and not really a kufi wearer) but I believe what's in the heart reflects through his face and character. But what would very obvious for me to see if he's a spiritual man or not, is that people who speak with him will feel something. I mean, people feel that he speaks from the heart. Spirituality is in the inside thing and only Allah knows his spiritual state, but for this matter I will consult to Allah through istikharah. What I want is we are spiritually compatible! Allah knows the best and through this characteristic, I believe Insha Allah we will have the same life’s philosophy, visions and dreams.    
3. A man with visions. I cannot tolerate with the aimless guy whose world mostly on games and liking the useless stuffs! But football is okay. J I mean, I understand that football is the guy thing so as long as he does not neglect his priorities, having football-related hobby is fine with me.
4. Knowledgeable. It’s okay if he’s not that type of person who speaks much, but I hope he’s someone who loves reading and seeking knowledge. You know we can know a person’s intelligence state through the words he utters. I believe wisdom-oriented words only come from a heart that loves knowledge and wisdom. I hope he reads both deen and dunya materials, so it would be balanced. The more readings you do should not make you a more extremist right?
5. Humble. And all those good qualities of course! :P But I understand that no single human being on this Earth is perfect so I’m hoping myself to sincerely accept the way he is including his shortcomings. It’s a foolish thing to be hopeful that he perfectly matches my imagination and so I would want my feet to stay firmly on the ground! But yeah, no doubt I really admire humble people. Like just anyone. Not necessarily a man though. I love all the humble people! They are beautiful creations of God. <3 
6. Not a demanding type. I mean, I know I would surely be disappointed to live with a man who has a lot of 'external' expectations or demands upon me. Like complaining my cooking is not delicious as compared to his mom's, or he's always seen to adore and praise other women (especially the 'muslimahness' part) or commenting on my chosen fabric! I appreciate it if he wants to correct me but just tell me what should I change/do, without having to compare me with other women. But please, I would love you to motivate me to make the pious Sahabiah ladies as my role models. Like A'isha radhiallahu anha, Maryam, Rabea El-Adawea. :) I would be very much glad if you help me to improve my soul purification and attitude, manners coz I pray that my husband is also my teacher in life. 

I don’t mind if…

1. He’s 24 hour busy and has less time for me. I am very honoured if I can serve a man whose time mostly dedicated to society, his mom and as long as he’s utilizing his time rightfully, for the beneficial activities, I’m all okay with that. J
2. We both come from different cultural backgrounds. Like having different tastes for food or some unique family practices etc. But I understand that differences are normal in marriage life. I hope those differences bring more blessings in our life and that we should look them in a positive way.
3. Materialistically, I do not mind what car he drives and I just hope we have a simple and moderate house.  
4. If he doesn’t know to do house chores like cooking, sweeping, hang the laundry etc it’s okay J at least, I believe that he can carry things, move the furniture and doesn’t mess up the house! 

What I’m hoping for myself…

1. To be independent. I don’t want to complain to him over small things. I can drive and so, I don’t mind if he couldn’t accompany me for grocery shopping, paying the bills and stuffs. I’ll let him rest peacefully and won’t bother him, knowing that he just had a tiring working day.
2. Ask and listen to his opinions over fundamental things – say religious and family matters.
3. Not being the nagging type. I can be talkative but not a nagger.
4. If he’s comfortable with certain things like some of his lifestyle’s common practices, then I’ll let him do it. As long it doesn’t bring negative effects to us and it doesn’t across religious limits, let him be.
5. I won’t ask every single thing what he does, with whom he has been hanged out with, where does he go…I mean, too details will annoy him. I guess so. But I’m gonna be like, just asking him a simple question like this: “Will you be late tonight?” or “Text me when you are about to come home, alright?”.
6. When he comes home, don’t bombard him with lots of questions. Just ask him a few comforting questions like, “How was your day?”. Motivate him and give supportive words when he talks about his problems. If I wanna give my own opinion, start with..."Hmm...don't you wish to try another alternatives?” or “I think if you can avoid doing that, it will do good to…” or “It’s okay, it’s just not your day today. Allah has saved something better for you later. Who knows. We just need a lil bit of patience. Now you should go rest. Things will get better next day”. Something less debasing like that. I want to be a good listener and an understanding wife. Shaykh Abdal Hakim Murad in his contention book wrote,  Do not say: Do you agree with me? but say: Do we agree?
7. Take care of my physical appearance at his presence. Fragrant myself, wear clean and beautiful clothes, fresh mouth etc.
8. Cook delicious food for him! Identify his favourite meals and learn how to prepare them. Maybe should consult to mother in-law for this case. Make sure when he comes home, he smiles seeing delicious meals on the dining table.  
9. Not asking him money. But it’s his responsibility to give anyway so I don’t really worry about it. If I am financially independent, working, so I shouldn’t ask him for extra money other than what he gives. If it’s for the house rental, food expenses, bills, children’s education, health, petrol or other utilities, I think it’s okay to ask if it’s not enough. For my own personal purpose, no. I can use my own money.
10. Respect and love his mother just like I do to my mother. Encourage him to always call and take care of his mom. 

Above all, only Allah knows the best. I hope what I wish are not too dreamy. I believe the Deen ul-Islam (my beloved faith) serve as the best foundation, pillars, frames, walls, air-conditioner, furniture, and everything!... to build a happy home. Yes, a home! Not just a house! :)))

And...so who's the man? Well, it's the question that I don't yet know. Only Allah knows who is 'he'. My beloved man InshaAllah. :)

Carlos Daniel Bracho with la niños, Carlitos y Lisette. Missing in the pic, his esposa: Paulina

Praying for the best,

Zara

'Asr, 15 Muharram 1435

Sure, that someday ARE all the days in Jannah :')